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Transfer gossip column: Didier, Dimitri and January destinations

This is not the place for legitimate reports and completed deals. Here, we compile the ludicrous transfer rumours that arise during this month of madness in the football world.

Drogba swayed by Samba and sun

Didier Drogba could be set to swap the snow shovels and smoked meat of Montreal for the flip flops and sultry sights of Sao Paulo, as numerous sources have linked the Ivorian striker, who’s out of contract with the Montreal Impact, to a move to Brazilian giant Corinthians.

With former club Marseille hoping to lure the 38-year-old, ponytailed purveyor of timely goals to the Cote d’Azur, Corinthians convinced the former Chelsea star to put pen to paper on a year-long deal with the six-time Brasileiro Serie A champ, reports Bruno Andrade of Goal.

Good work if you can get it.

Vexed by Vidal, Chelsea turns sights to doghouse dweller Payet

With news of Drogba’s move to Brazil, Marseille may be set for double disappointment, as speculation thinner than a Waitrose wafer suggests Chelsea is looking to snatch Dimitri Payet out from under its nose.

Blues boss Antonio Conte is reportedly enamoured with the Frenchman now out of favour at West Ham, prompting Chelsea’s interest in lieu of Bayern Munich’s refusal to sell Arturo Vidal, according to The Sun’s Emanuele Giulianelli and Anthony Chapman.

Flush with cash from Oscar’s opulent sale to China, Chelsea may help the Hammers pad their pocket books ahead of the inevitable January moves for Ali Dia, Simone Zaza’s corgi, and an empty pie tin.

Morata of a good thing

Apparently not content to face the Premier League run-in with a first-team quartet of Alexis Sanchez, Olivier Giroud, Danny Welbeck, Lucas Perez, and striker-cum-janitor Yaya Sanogo, Arsene Wenger is back in the market for Real Madrid forward Alvaro Morata, according to Spanish outlet Ok Diario.

The report, which sources an insider with intimate knowledge of the situation (Sanogo sweeps the hallways at Arsenal’s Colney training centre), claims the Gunners are slated to table an “irresistible offer” for the 24-year-old Spaniard.

Though the unnamed source did not specify, the bid is believed to include Sanogo, a pair of shorts left behind by Mathieu Flamini, and a signed copy of Franny Jeffers’ best-selling autobiography, “Still Prettier Than Luke Chadwick.”

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